The Abomination

As has been discussed here before, I am completely comfortable being referred to as a grilled cheese aficianado. If I was asked to name my One Favorite Food out of all the food in the world, my response would be "Sandwiches!".

But I do have some pride. This is an abomination unto the grilled cheese gods and should be cast asunder so that it no longer plagues, um, like, us.



Four fried mozzarella sticks inside of a Grilled Cheese sandwich. Obviously, some of my problems with this are pure snobbery, as I know a real chef with good cheese and bread could create a comparable sandwich that would taste really, really good, but be just as horrible for you. But, seriously? This sandwich is a terrible idea. Really.

Denny's clearly has no shame.

Salad Days*

One or two people have asked me why I never write about food on this blog, as I am obsessed with all comestibles. My answer is usually something about how there are lots of great food blogs out there and it's a little outside of the brief I've set for myself here, etc.

Well. As I sit here on a traditionally non-blogging Saturday in a post salad bliss coma, I've decided to go with the broken-precedent set by the grilled cheese post of desperation, and write about my salad. Because it was incredibly delicious and it seemed unkind to hoard all this happiness for myself without sharing my invention of the Asparagus Blackberry Salad with the world.

Please note: I have no idea about amounts or recipe writing, so any measurements I've written are complete vague guesstimates. One might say this is in the spirit of my Albanian grandmother who, in the tradition of ethnic grandmothers everywhere, was an excellent home cook who couldn't be bothered with precise measurements either.

You will need:

Bibb lettuce
asparagus, 1/2 bunch
blackberries, 1/2 cup
chopped red onion, 1 Tbsp
lemon juice, 2 Tbsp
Olive oil, very litttle
Asiago cheese, grated 1/4 cup
salt & pepper to taste

Wash everything. If you don't have a salad spinner, you might think about investing in one, as they are awesome. Cut the asparagus up into inch long stalks. Steam it until green and tender. Chill.

Squeeze the lemons for the juice. Don't buy that disgusting presqueezed juice they sell in the store. It's such a waste. I mean, just squeeze a freaking lemon into a cup. It's not brain surgery. How wasteful and lazy have Americans gotten, anyway?

Chop the onions. As many as you would like. I really like onions, but I added too many. Hey, do any of you ever watch my favorite (okay, not really) show, Chopped? AKA Top Chef for Dummies? And there's that one judge who hates red onions with the white hot passion that people usually reserve for things like racial injustice and, say, Robin Williams. Whenever people put raw red onions in anything, he goes absolutely insane. It's hilarious.

Grate the cheese. There's really nothing to explain here. Just grate it.

Put all the ingredients into a big bowl along with a small amount of olive oil (I mean a tiny amount). Add salt and pepper to taste, and toss thoroughly.

Eat your salad.

Write navel gazing blog post about making a salad. Okay. You can skip that part.

Awesome picture of my grandmother, Mary Raship, in traditional Albanian garb.

*Hahaha! See what I did there? Get it?

And Now Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Programming (if I normally wrote about sandwiches. which i don't. whatever)...

There was an unfortunate break in service today here at Caviglia's Cabinet, as real life annoyances made an unavoidable incursion into our blogging schedule.

So, in honor of my day of frustration, I have chosen to share with you a recipe for my favorite dish: the grilled cheese sandwich.

You will need:

2 slices of white bread (Arnold's Country White is excellent, or any good pullman loaf)
2 slices of American cheese (Kraft, people! Kraft!)

Butter, lots of it. (sweet, not salt. The best you can afford.)

Take about two tablespoons of butter, put it on a plate and wait until it is soft.

Spread the butter so that it thickly coats the two slices of bread.

Unwrap the cheese slices and place one whole on the bread, and tear up the second one so that it covers all the empty spots on the bread. You want a solid coating of cheese! It's especially good if you arrange it so that it hangs out the side slightly so that it will caramelize in the pan.

Speaking of which, turn the heat on the stove to medium. If it is too hot, it will melt the butter, and toast the bread before the inside gets melty, which would be disastrous.

Place sandwich in pan (Note: the buttered sides of the bread should face outwards). Let the butter melt and the bread get a nice golden brown. Flip the sandwich with a spatula and do the same on the other side.

You should now have a perfect grilled cheese sandwich!

Obviously, the permutations are endless. You can use nearly any kind of cheese or bread, and add anything you like: avocado, tomato, mushroom, whatever. Sometimes, the cheese does not get melty enough if one has other ingredients in the sandwich. In that case, I have found that covering the pan briefly while it is grilling will work.

For grilled cheeses available for purchase in NYC (and good ones are skockingly difficult to come by) the best traditional grilled cheese can be found at Junior's, in Brooklyn. It's just perfectly toasted and melty. My favorite non-traditional one is 'wichcraft's gruyère and caramelized onions on rye. Tom Colicchio really does know what he is doing. And they will happily add avocado if you like at no additional cost! Which you know is almost unheard of. And it costs like $5.50. So, the best sandwich is a really good deal!

Last week I read Mary Roach's excellent and completely hilarious Bonk: the Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, where I discovered this gem:

I give you a sentence, my favorite sentence in the entire oeuvre of Alfred Kinsey, from Sexual Behavior in the Human Female: "Cheese crumbs spread in front of the copulating pair of rats may distract the female, but not the male."

Look. I realize the picture of the rat with the banjo has very little to do with anything, but it's been a super frustrating day, and it is so cute, so just leave it.